Everyone knows G-d’s first words to Abraham: “Lech Lecha! Go unto you, from your homeland, your birthplace and father’s home, to the land that I will show you.” This charge began the destiny of the Jewish people and our earliest connection to (what would later become) the Land of Israel. And many know the Midrash and Talmud about how Abraham’s father was an idolator, and an idol merchant, and it was in his idol shop that young Abraham broke the idols while on his monotheistic quest.
Here’s the kicker. At the end of Parshat Noach the Torah tells us a little about Abraham’s birth. He had a father named Terach, and a brother named Haran. One day, the Torah tells us, Terach took his family and left Ur Kasdim in today’s Southern Iraq and left for the Land of Canaan. Only that he didn’t make it to Canaan. Terach and his family settled in Haran, a city halfway to Canaan, that would be near the Turkish-Syrian border today. When G-d told Abraham to leave his homeland – Abraham was already living in Haran.
Wait a second! Are you telling me that the famous command of G-d to Abraham was basically to continue the same journey that his father Terach planned to do? Many commentaries insist that its not so. Terach’s intended destination may have been the same as Abraham’s, but the journey and purpose are altogether different.
Still there’s a huge question that begs to be answered. Stuart T. asked me this question on Yom Kippur afternoon this year. The Torah tells us so little about Abraham’s childhood and parents. Why does it bother to tell us that Terach planned to make this same journey? Why is this information important? After all, doesn’t it steal the thunder from G-d’s first commandment to Abraham?
Here’s a thought on why the Torah tells it us. It’s pretty common for children to try to be different than their parents. You have the first kid to go to college in his family, maybe trying to break out of a cycle of poverty. We deal with college students and alumni who have become more religiously observant than their parents. Everyone has their moments when they tell themselves that they will never repeat this or that behavior of their parents. All this is true with parents and children who have healthy and positive relationships, and its even more pronounced and evident with children who have issues with their parents or have little or no positive relationship altogether.
Now Avraham is prime example of a major break with his parents. You couldn’t be more different. Yet, the Torah is specifically telling us that Abraham walked the same journey that his father intended to go on. Avraham continued where his father left off. True, Abraham’s purpose and meaning and goals were very different. But this verse is telling us that no matter how different we think we are from our parents, no matter how far our paths diverge, there is much that remains the same. We can’t deny or escape the inevitability of that which we have by nature from our parents.
Remember those moments when you promise yourself you will never do X or Y that your parents did? Well, fast forward twenty or thirty years, and we often can’t help it. True, we may do things differently, times change and people change, and yes we do make choices. But there are similarities and shtick and tendencies that we just can’t shake. It creeps back in and pops right up. It is part of who we are, as much as some of us deny it. I find myself doing and saying things so similar to my father and mother, and so many of my generation say the same.
So are Terach and Abraham the same? Absolutely not. But Abraham is still the son of Terach, and the Torah makes sure to tell us that the grand mission and journey that G-d told Abraham to take is strikingly similar (while at the same time being so very different) to that which Terach intended to take himself.
At Shabbos House we are big advocates for keeping close with family, respecting family and maintaining and growing these relationships despite whatever distance or yawning gap rises between the generations. Some students may become more religious while away at college, but we insist that part of that growth be seeking ways to maintain connection and relationships with family despite whatever changes. People speak to us about this a lot.
Take your own journey. But realize that we didn’t start this trip. Even Avraham, the first Jew, the great innovator and distrupter and change agent, the father of all the world’s major religions to this day who taught monotheism to an idolatrous world. Terach, in some odd way, made the first steps of Abraham’s journey.
—
P.S. Obviously there are exceptions. Family dynamics are complex, and there are extreme cases of abuse and other valid reasons to maintain distance for your health or that of your children. Hopefully these are rare exceptions to the rule. And no two relationships, even healthy ones, are the same. The level, style, depth and format of the connection depends on the parties involved and their specific circumstances and whatever variables.